Thursday, May 1, 2008
What message am I sending?
I recently had a conversation with a couple of friends from church. They are both 8-10 years younger than I am, newly married and with no kids. Somehow we got to talking about stay at home moms. One of them was talking about a friend of theirs who is a stay at home mom. She said that she makes sure to get her shower and be presentable before her husband comes home. She makes sure she's not still in her pajamas looking like she just got out of bed. She feels it's her responsibility to look nice for her husband when he comes home. I just thought this was interesting, and I've been thinking about it a lot since then. I don't usually stay in my pajamas, but I won't say there aren't days. Most of the time those are the days that I've worked the hardest, and just never remembered to change. I almost always have time to shower, but there are days when it just doesn't work out. Anyway, I don't consciously get myself ready for when Keith gets home, but that doesn't mean that I don't look forward to it. That's my favorite part of the day, and not because I'm ready for him to deal with the kids, but because I like having him around. (that's a good thing too, since I'm stuck with him regardless!!) Anyway, I'm really curious what you guys think. I wonder if I'm in the minority or not. I would love to hear from everyone, men and women, whether you stay at home, work part time, or full time. I really want to know what you think.
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11 comments:
"since I'm stuck with him regardless!!"
So, you're stuck with me huh?
Well, since I work full time, I'm normally already fixed for Clark I guess when we both get home, but he doesn't expect it. When I was home for three months with Abbey I found myself apologizing if I didn't get dishes washed or laundry done or even change my clothes and he would always tell me that it was OK because I had a lot on my plate with a newborn. I still felt like I should be able to get something done even if he was alright with the fact that I didn't.
Hahaha Keith! (Busted)
Well, I have two points of view. Growing up I spent a lot of time at my cousin's house, my aunt (dad's sister) would always be fully dressed, hair and makeup done even if she had a day planned of ironing and cleaning. I think she believed that her husband has enough struggles at work and away from home (he traveled alot) that she felt it was her responsibility to be presentable for when he came home. I guess kinda as a reminder that "hey you've got a hot wife at home, no need to let those eyes wander..." She never said that was her reason of course but I believe it was along those lines.
However, our husbands have seen us at our best and our very worst and they love us no matter what! My mom was kinda the opposite, if she knew she'd be cleaning or working hard the shower would wait until bedtime. I personally try to follow more in my aunts footsteps when it comes to that ... plus I love taking showers ... but overall I think it's whatever you are comfortable with, there is no right or wrong. Keith loves you no matter what, even if you are stuck with him!=)~
Sorry for the long comment=)
I felt the same way as Carrie with I was home with Hannah when she was born. I felt guilty for not getting anything done but Chris always says that I am doing exactly what I was suppose to do - take care of that baby.
I don't "fix" myself for nearly as many things as I should. My hubby, worship, work, grocery store, Target.... Some days I feel guilty and some days I just don't care because I want to be "comfy." Both should be possible, I just need to figure it out. Chris says he doesn't care and thinks I am beautiful either way but I do feel like I should TRY to look nice for him more.
It's up to us husbands to show appreciation to our wives when they "dress up" for us. It is nice to come home to pampering every once in a while. (AND yes we need to pamper our always beautiful wives too)We all should dress for sucess. TW
P.S. I blogged.
I guess there is the question of what I think is a good idea, and what I actually do...It feels good when Lance & I get dressed up and I think how nice & charming HE looks. So I expect that he feels the same when I'm looking nicer. I just try to think about the shoe on the other foot. If Keith came home always sweaty, smelly, fresh from a basketball game, it might make you feel warm fuzzies if he came home in a shirt that you loved on him.
Do I always do this? No. I hardly EVER fix myself up. But if Lance comes home and comments on how I look, it feels good. Plus, if I'm not looking sloppy, it just makes me feel better about myself too.
So Yes! I think it's a great idea. But I think our husbands are wonderful, and will love & appreciate us HOWEVER frazzled we look when they come home!
Okay - here's the senior citizen opinion - I don't think it so much has to do with "spiffing" up when the other comes home but just that both parties know that the other cares about them and are glad to be back home together - any expression that verifies this counts whether it's being freshly showered OR not bringing work stress home with you OR just "sensing" the other had a rough day and smiling and saying I'm glad your home.....In my situation, my hubby works from home and I'm the one at the office all day and the 45 minute commute. I always call and let him know I'm leaving the office and heading home - he ALWAYS says "that's wonderful" or "sounds great to me" and I think I take that for granted.....guess tonight I'll have to remember to tell him thanks for making going home feel so good!
I feel if I can manage dinner, and house cleaning, and everything else, them maybe he'll overlook the fact that I am not dressed the best everyday! But hey, he says I look better without makeup and hair color! [He must be blindly in love:)]WW
Something i thought about after I wrote my first comment: sometime last year I found a website for home or housework organization called flylady.com and it has daily steps and emails that are designed to help you get organized and make it a learned habit, one step at a time. One of the first habits it tries to make you learn is to get up and get dressed in the morning, including putting your shoes on because she sees that as a way to really start your day. If you stay in pajamas you are more likely to not accomplish your organizational goals for the day. So husbands put aside, I think some wives get up and get dressed for themselves to jump start their day which to me is the right way to think about it. As many have said, a loving husband will appreciate anything you do and love you in a ball gown or in an old t-shirt. So if you want to do it, do it for you!
I do take five minutes or so to look nicer b/f Chuck comes home. I don't go all out, but maybe brush my teeth again, put on lipgloss or make sure I'm not wearing just one sock...
:)
I try to atleast shower and throw on a little make-up but I draw the line with my clothes, if I'm at home, I'm going to be comfy.(I do try to wear "cute" comfy clothes)
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